


Missing You Makes Me Angry

by MyShipSailsHere



Category: 9-1-1 (TV)
Genre: Anger, Angst, BAMF Buck, Buck background, Crying, Episode 5, Fighting, Grocery store Fights, Hurt, M/M, Making Out, Possessive Eddie, Rage, Season 3, Soft Buck, Softness, buddie, excessive hickeys, implied sex, kiss
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-23
Updated: 2020-02-05
Packaged: 2020-12-28 17:20:06
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 12,240
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21140348
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MyShipSailsHere/pseuds/MyShipSailsHere
Summary: After the Grocery store fight, Eddie isn't done yelling at Buck.Post Season 3 ep 5. Do not read before you watch.DO NOT add this fic (or any others of mine) to any other websites beside my own posts on Wattpad, this includes Goodreads and any other sites or apps. If you see any on there, feel free to report them because they do not have permission.





	1. Irreplaceable

Buck slipped out of the grocery store parking lot, while everyone was busy doing the job he wished he could. His chest felt heavy and his mind was racing, pouring over every word Eddie had spat at him. Was he really so exhausting to his friends, the people he saw as family? To his best friend? He hadn’t meant to be. The last few months had just been so hard, and he wanted things to go back to normal. But he never meant to be a burden to them all. God, he loved them.

By the time he got back to his apartment, he didn’t bother with turning on lights or even making dinner. He just sat on the couch in the dark, with his head in his hands, scrutinizing every single interaction from the last few months. The lawsuit was new, but his pain and anger about his injury wasn’t. Had he just been pissing everyone off all this time? Was that why Bobby hadn’t wanted him to come back? Maybe none of them did. Chimney had defended him, but Chim was dating his sister. 

The lawsuit was a waste of time anyway. He didn’t want money. He didn’t need it. He just wanted his family. 

Tears streamed down his face and soon turned to sobs that shook his entire body. Now he would never get them back. He lost the only father figure he’d ever actually had and all his friends. He lost his best friend, who he had been slowly developing feelings for, and Christopher— _oh, God,_ Christopher. He would never see Christopher again. He had no one. 

\--------  
A pounding on his front door jolted him off the couch, where he’d cried himself into a fitful sleep. The TV clock shined brightly in the darkness informing him that it was after midnight.

The pounding knock on the door stopped, then started again with barely enough time for him to get his bearings. “I’m coming!” he shouted, stumbling to the door and wrenching it open. 

He stared at the person leaning in his doorway with a slack jaw. He definitely wasn’t expecting to see Eddie, mostly because of what happened at the grocery store, but also because he hadn’t gotten the chance to tell the team that the lawsuit was basically finished. 

He took a step back as Eddie stepped into his space. “Eddie, what are you doing here?” He asked softly, almost afraid to hear the answer.

Eddie scoffed, pushing his way into the apartment. Buck stepped out of the way easily, slipping the door closed behind them. He hadn’t been this close to Eddie in weeks, other than during the hearing and the grocery store. God, he missed him. 

“I was interrupted earlier, and I’m not done.” Eddie gritted out with a glare, arms crossed against his chest.

Buck nodded but said nothing. He just waited for the assault of insults and hate that was sure to follow. 

Eddie took a deep breath, before starting to rant angrily. “You’re so selfish. My God, Buck. Did you even think? Christopher was having nightmares every single night, screaming out for his mother or for you. Not me. You. But I couldn’t even call you to help him because you abandoned us.” He said the last bit with an accusatory finger jabbed Buck’s way. 

“Eddie, no.” Buck reached out for Eddie, who just stepped away from his hand. “I didn’t. I couldn’t. You guys are all I thought about. But this was the only way. Eddie, Bobby was blocking me from coming back.”

“BECAUSE YOU’RE NOT READY!” Eddie roared, throwing up his hands in anger. 

Buck flinched back. He knew Bobby didn’t believe in him, but he never knew Eddie didn’t either. “I am ready, Eddie,” he whispered, refusing to look Eddie in the eyes.

Eddie slammed his hand on the counter, drawing Buck’s eyes up to his face. “What if we’re not ready? Did you think about that? What if Bobby was easing you in because we are so fucking afraid of losing you again? You are reckless on a good day, and he was _afraid_. Did you think of that before your stupid lawsuit? Because losing you terrifies me, and I know it scares the crap out of Cap. He already lost his children once and you are his kid, like it or not, Buck. I would wrap you in bubble wrap and never let you leave the house if I was him. Damn it, I still want to do that.” He was breathing heavy by the end of his rant, eyes shining, practically vibrating with anger. 

Buck stepped into Eddie’s space, this time refusing to be pushed away, but Eddie didn’t even move. Buck wanted to hug him but didn’t want to be rejected, so instead, he placed a hand gently over Eddie’s. “Eddie, I’m sorry that I haven’t been here for you and Christopher, but I do worry about all of you every single day. You’re out there without me watching your back, and you could get hurt. I don’t care how good the new girl is. She isn’t me, and that stresses me out. Carla or Maddie call me every day to tell me you’re still alive, that there hasn’t been an accident. That my family is still breathing. Every day. I need to be out there with you. I can’t breathe every day that I’m not. Please try to understand that.”

Eddie sighed heavily. “I’m trying, Evan. But it’s hard when we can’t even talk.”

“Eddie,” Buck laughed, smile not quite meeting his eyes. “What are we doing right now?”

Eddie just glared, but it was softer than before. “I’m yelling at you.” 

Buck stepped back, putting space between them once again. “We won’t have to worry about the lawsuit anymore anyways. I talked to my lawyer earlier, that’s why I was at the market. I knew it was shopping day, and I wanted to apologize for putting you guys through it for nothing.”

“You lost?” Eddie asked in a careful, almost regretful tone.

Buck couldn’t help but laugh sharply. “The opposite actually. I could be a millionaire, but they won’t let me come back. I’m just dropping it all after the lawyer tries one more time to negotiate.”

Eddie stared at him in disbelief. “They offered you a million dollars?”

“They offered me seven. Highest paid discrimination suit in the state, but I refused it. I don’t want money, Eddie. This isn’t about money. This is about being a firefighter, and being back with my family.” 

Eddie was quiet for a few minutes, silently mouthing seven million to himself a few times, before shaking his head and addressing Buck again. “We will always be your family, Buck. Money or not. Firefighter or not. Lawsuit or not.”

“Yeah. Well, it’s looking like not. On all accounts. But it’s late, so do you have anymore yelling to do? Now would probably be the best time to do it. Unless you prefer to get the rest out in front of the others and my replacement.” Buck shrugged nonchalantly, but he was praying for no more yelling. He would take it— take anything Eddie had to say, but he really just wanted to go back to sleep for a week. 

Eddie’s face had drained of most of the previous anger and he stared at Buck for a few moments, before finally replying. “No, I’m okay for now.” Buck could tell there was more Eddie wanted to say, but he stayed silent as Eddie got up and crossed the space between them in two strides, before wrapping Buck in his arms tightly. 

“I miss you, Evan,” he murmured softly in Buck’s ear. Buck melted into Eddie’s embrace for a second, barely holding himself together. 

But as quick as the hug started, it was over, and Eddie headed to the door. Buck wanted to make him stay so that he could stay in Eddie’s arms forever, but he could barely hold back the tears threatening to slip down his face at the touch and the whine that caught in his throat when the heat of Eddie’s body left him. There was no way he could ask for more. 

Buck watched as Eddie stopped in the open door. “No one could ever replace you, Evan. Not ever.” 

The declaration rang out in the room, even after Eddie was long gone. When Buck finally shook himself out of a stupor, all he could do was drag himself up to bed, where he spent the rest of the night staring at the ceiling replaying those words over and over. _No one could ever replace you, Evan. No one could ever replace you, Evan. No one could ever replace you, Evan. _


	2. Pretty Boy's a Knockout

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Some Fluff and then some street fights. 
> 
> Some of the dialogue is lifted from Season 3 episode 5. Obviously none of that is mine. It belongs to the writers of 9-1-1. Which, unfortunately I am not.

Buck hadn’t expected anyone to try to talk to him the day after his fight with Eddie, especially because he didn’t know if Eddie would tell the team about the lawsuit ending. So, when Carla called him he was surprised and anxious.

“Hey, Carla. Everything okay?” He couldn’t help but sit up straighter, preparing himself for terrible news. Carla normally called after Eddie got home from a shift, not in the afternoon. 

She laughed lightly. “Sure is, Buckaroo. Everyone’s fine. In fact, how would you like a visit today?”

He relaxed slightly, leaning back into the nest of pillows that had taken over his bed. “I don’t know how good of company I would be today, Carla. Eddie yelled at me _twice _ yesterday, and I had to see the team with my replacement. ”

“I don’t know about the fighting or any replacement, but Eddie told me this morning that Chris could see _ His Buck _today.”

Her words took the air right out of his lungs. “What?” he whispered, chest tightening at the thought of seeing Christopher. 

“We’ll be over in an hour, Buckaroo. Maybe take a shower and clean your place? Eddie mentioned it was a mess.” 

Buck made a noise of dissent, but didn’t argue. When they hung up, he looked out over the edge of his loft and noticed a lot of takeout containers and a sink full of dishes. Okay, maybe they had a point, but it wasn’t anything he couldn’t get done before they got here.

By the time the knock rang out into the apartment signaling their arrival, the place looked much more presentable, and he wasn’t wearing yesterday’s clothes any more. 

He was nervous about seeing Christopher again, afraid that the boy would be angry for the weeks he spent away. But when he opened the door, he couldn’t help but grin down at the boy that he loved like his own, and those nerves were washed away. 

Almost immediately Buck felt Christopher’s small body collide with his legs. “Bucky!” 

He slipped down to his knees easily, wrapping his arms around the boy and holding on tightly, tears streaming down his cheeks. He didn’t let go when he heard the click of Carla’s camera phone or when his knees began to ache, he only loosened his grip when Chris laughed loudly wriggling in his hold. “Bucky, I can’t breathe!”

Carla laughed at them both, before ushering them out of the hall. She cast a critical eye through his now mostly clean apartment before opening his refrigerator and tutting disapprovingly. 

“Well, I’m going to get you groceries while you boys play.”

“Carla, you really don’t have to do that,” Buck mumbled, face heating up with shame.

She just raised an eyebrow and stared, scrutinizing eyes running over him. “You are thinner than I’ve ever seen you, Evan— even the time after Abby. I am getting groceries and cooking dinner here. No arguments.” And with that she swept out of the house, with a kiss to both their cheeks, before Buck could protest again. 

Being alone with Chris was strange, he hadn’t seen him since just before the lawsuit at dinner with Eddie, more than a month ago. 

“So, what do you want to do today, Buddy?” He asked, with a small smile on his face, while watching Christopher make himself comfortable on the couch.

“Bucky, we need to play legos and watch Tarzan, like you promised last time!” Chris said with a very serious face. His heart broke and his emotion clogged his throat. He had promised that and never followed through. It was just like Eddie said, he’d abandoned Christopher. 

“Of course, Kiddo. I’m sorry that it’s been so long,” he said regretfully then slipped in the movie.

Chris patted the couch beside him and smiled brightly up at Buck, as though nothing had changed. “That’s o–okay, Bucky. Daddy said that you were trying to be a fireman again and that’s im– important. But he said you missed me a lot. I m– missed you too.” 

Buck bit his lip, holding back a new set of tears. “He was right, Bud. I missed you so so much. And I promise that I’m not going to leave you again.” 

“Okay, Bucky,” he said happily. He started idly piecing together a stack of legos, focusing on the movie as it started. Buck leaned back on the couch, pulling the boy into his side and grabbing his own set of lego pieces. They would both piece them together to make nothing, but it was still the only thing he wanted to do right now. 

They stayed like that for a long time, only moving when Carla came back to make dinner. Then both of them helped as much as they could, but they mostly just laughed and made a mess of the counter and themselves. It was the best day that he’d had in a long time. 

\------------

Other than the visit with Chris, the week after Eddie’s ‘visit’ was quiet for Buck— more quiet than he thought it would be anyway. He expected that maybe Eddie would come by again, even if it was just to yell at him some more, but that didn’t happen. In fact, his phone stayed relatively quiet, other than a few check-ins from Maddie as well as updates on the team and Chris from Carla and Isabel. 

Until one week after the grocery store fight, when his phone vibrated with a text from Bobby. 

**3:47 p.m.  
Fire Daddio: The team is going to the Rage Room tonight at 9. You should come. **

Buck stared at the message for a long time, unsure of what to say. Maybe Eddie told Bobby about the money, or maybe Bobby just wanted to beat Buck up in the rage room like it was an accident. He hadn’t made up his mind about what to say, when another message came through. 

**4:02 p.m.  
Fire Daddio: That’s an order, Buckley.**

Bobby may not be his captain anymore, but he knew better than to disobey his orders, so he shot a quick confirmation message and shoved his phone aside. 

\------------------------

At just before nine, he found himself pacing outside the building housing the Rage Room. His hands were shaking slightly, and his heart was racing. What if this was a bad idea? What if Bobby had invited him just to show him what he was missing, like he didn’t already know?

He took a deep breath and slipped inside before he changed his mind. He shoved his hands in his pockets when he spotted Bobby talking to Michael, standing awkwardly as he waited for Bobby to notice him.

Bobby’s presence was intimidating and him walking up to Buck with a frown on his face didn't help. He missed the days when Bobby was happy to see him. 

“Hey, uh— hey, Bobby. Thank you for inviting me.” He managed to rush out. “Look, I— I just wanted to apologize—”

Bobby interrupted what would have been a rambling apology. “You’re going to get a call tomorrow from the Chief. You’re being reinstated to active duty. The brass didn’t want the headache. They’re afraid of the bad press. ”

Buck stared in shock, he couldn’t believe what he was hearing. His lawyer hadn’t called him. “Well,” he couldn’t help the smile that slipped onto his face and the laugh that bubbled out, “that’s— that’s awesome.”

But Bobby’s face remained serious. “Yeah, maybe not.” Buck tensed at his words, waiting for the other shoe to drop. 

“They gave me the option to transfer you.” Buck’s heart plummeted. He wanted to be back with his family so badly. He frowned down at his shoes trying to imagine being anywhere else, but he understood that his team may not want him anymore. That was a risk he took with the lawsuit. “They understood how I might not want you back after everything you put us through.”

He nodded slightly, but he just wanted to throw up. Why would Bobby invite him, if he was just going to transfer him? What was the point?

“But I said no.” Buck froze at Bobby’s words, slowly lifting his gaze to meet Bobby’s eyes. “You’re coming back to the 118, where I can keep an eye on you.”

He didn’t know what to say. He was coming back. He couldn’t help but grin at Bobby. “Thank you, Captain. You won’t regret it.” He meant that too. He would be sure that Bobby didn’t regret it, no matter what it would take.

“You might. My house, my rules, remember that?” Bobby stated strongly, before walking away to join the team. 

Buck couldn’t help, but watch him go. Not sure what that meant, but not letting it ruin his happiness. He would do anything to get back in the team’s good graces. 

He suited up quickly as they all got started smashing the room to pieces. He didn’t hesitate to take the offered sledgehammer from Bosko. Even if she stayed, at least it wasn’t in his place. 

But as they started smashing, he couldn’t help but notice one very obvious absence. Eddie. 

He lifted his mask, turning toward Bosko. “Hey, where’s Eddie?”

She just shrugged. “He said he had other plans. Maybe with his kid?”

Buck shook his head. “No, Carla told me she was dropping him off at his abuela’s house.”

She was quiet for a moment, before talking low, one eye on the Captain, who was smashing stuff across the room. “He might have gone back to the street fights?”

He blinked at her, trying to get his mind around what she just said. “Street fights?!” he hissed, glaring at her. 

She looked at him blankly. “Yeah, I took him last week, when his kid had a sleepover. It’s over at the old junkyard, in East LA, off of Whittier.” 

“Whittier takes up like all of East LA,” he said harshly. 

She held her hand out for his phone, which he shoved at her. “I’ll send you the address,” she laughed, handing it back. “It’s not a big deal, but still, go get your boy before he does something dumber than getting arrested.”

Buck stared at her for a moment, wanting to ask about Eddie being arrested, but decided to save it for later. He needed to go get Eddie, but he couldn’t just leave, not after just getting his job back. “Cap—”

“I’ll tell him Diaz needed you. He won’t ask, not since it’s you two.” She shrugged before flipping down her mask and smashing some more plates violently. “And a word for the wise: take some big bucks.”

Buck didn’t think twice about the tip as he took off out of the room. He shoved off the white suit he was wearing, grabbed his things from a locker, and flung himself into his car.

\------------------

For the whole twenty minute drive, Buck was on edge, anxiously vibrating in his seat. He’d stopped at home and grabbed a few thousand from his safe, not sure of what he would find when he got there, or if Eddie was even there. He prayed that if Eddie was that he was okay. He couldn't understand. Why street fights? He had a kid at home. A life. A job that he could easily lose. They had left on relatively good terms last week, especially since he let Chris come over. Why wouldn't he come to Buck if something was wrong?

When he finally made it to the location Bosko had sent, Buck didn’t see Eddie’s car. It didn’t mean he wasn’t here, but Buck hoped he wasn’t. 

After shoving his way through the crowd, Buck stood in the front, just behind the tire barrier, with the perfect view of Eddie sipping a beer and preparing to fight, the side of his face already caked with blood. Buck was glad that he had had the forethought to throw a black sweatshirt over his light blue shirt before coming in. He definitely would have stood out in the crowd, and he wanted to wait this out a bit, not get into a fight that would just make Eddie more angry and more likely to fight. Just watching the tense set in Eddie’s shoulders and the scowl etched across his face was enough to tell Buck that it would be a fight to get him out of there. 

So, he waited. And when “DIAZ” and “BEAR” were called out loudly in the ring, Buck glared at Eddie with his arms crossed, waiting to be noticed. Which didn’t take long, only a few punches were thrown while circling the huge man, Bear, before Eddie was facing him. 

Buck could see the moment Eddie realized he was there because his guard dropped, and he mouthed ‘Buck’ before a fist hit him, forcing him staggering back.

Buck was done, watching Eddie take one punch was enough. He vaulted the tire wall easily, stalking toward Eddie and his opponent. He ducked under a punch and shoved the two apart. “That’s enough. We’re leaving.” Eddie was so stunned he didn’t say anything, just stood there gaping at him like he couldn’t believe Buck was actually there. 

When a hand clasped his shoulder tightly, Buck couldn’t help but close his eyes to breathe and keep his own cool. “Hey pretty boy, we’re fighting here and I’m not done— not until one of us is on the ground.”

Buck whirled around, easily dislodging Bear’s hand. “No, it is over because this one,” Buck jabbed a finger in Eddie’s direction, “is coming home to his kid. I don’t like fighting. So, just let us leave.”

“Buck—” Eddie started, in a low angry voice, stepping up to Buck’s side. But Buck whipped his head to the side, glaring at him. “No. Be quiet. We’re leaving. Think about what you have to say because I don’t want to hear it until we’re home,” he snarled. Eddie’s mouth slammed shut, and his jaw muscles worked, but he stayed silent, surprise evident in his face. Buck wasn't an angry person. Not ever. He was the fun loving, joking, flirty one. 

Buck’s attention was pulled back to the mountain of a man still blocking the exit, who was now jabbing a finger in Buck’s chest. “You can leave and go back home to your kid, but your man is staying. Someone’s getting bloody tonight.” He raised his hand up to Buck’s face, running his thumb over Buck’s lips. “But if you want to stick around, I wouldn’t mind a pretty twink like you. Fuck those pretty lips of yours till you pass out.” Eddie tensed beside him, but Buck just grabbed his wrist, squeezing once before releasing it again, assuring him that he should stay quiet and calm. 

Buck lowered his eyes, almost bashfully, earning a smirk from the man who seemed to think he won something, but before he realized what was happening, Buck’s fist collided with his jaw and as he staggered back, Buck swept his feet out from under him. 

“There you go, man. Someone is bloody and on the floor,” Buck said calmly, as though nothing had just happened. Not a trace of anger was on his face. “Also, I said I didn’t like fighting, not that I couldn’t, asshole. You should learn to keep those hands to yourself.”

Buck dragged a stunned Eddie toward the exit of the ring, only to have someone else block his way. This man was smaller, older, and had obviously not been fighting. “Sorry, pretty boy. There is money on this. Diaz fights.”

Buck sighed, wanted so badly to be anywhere but here. “Look, man. I laid your guy out. There you go. There was a fight.”

The man just tutted and shook his head. “It needs to be Diaz, unless you want to take his next two fights, too.”

Buck glared at him and at Eddie. “Look, I’ll buy him out. What’s the price?” He reached for his wallet and Eddie made a noise of protest, but it died with a sharp look from Buck. 

The older man was eyeing him critically, as if trying to decide if he could afford to pay. “Fifteen hundred. And you never come back.” Buck was grateful that he had overestimated the amount of money he’d need to get Eddie out of a situation like this.

Buck raised an eyebrow, then pointed a finger at Eddie. “I come back if he comes back.” Before shoving a stack of hundreds at the guy and grabbing Eddie’s hand once more to drag him away.

“Diaz, don’t come back. You’ve got a good man right there.” The man called out as they made it to Buck’s Jeep. 

Buck ignored him, and Eddie was too busy staring at Buck to respond. Buck just manhandled him into the jeep and buckled him in. Once he walked around the car, he leaned his head against the closed door for a second to breathe and calm his racing heart.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My Beta - bisexualbucks, and my friend, Jecari, are the only reason this exists. Thank you to them. 
> 
> Please comment and let me know what you think.
> 
> Text messages are in bold. If that isn't obvious.


	3. Money Means Nothing Without You

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> So... Our boys talk. We also get Buck background!!! Which is obviously all made up by me since we have not had a Buckley begins. So, let me know if you liked it. <3

Walking into his apartment with a bruised and battered Eddie was not how Buck expected to end his day. But he couldn’t help but feel grateful that at least Eddie was here, alive, and at the moment, not screaming at him. That was subject to change, though

He shoved Eddie into a stool by the island and grabbed the big first aid kit from under the sink to bandage Eddie’s hands and face. 

Buck carefully cleaned the blood and dirt from Eddie’s torn knuckles before quickly and efficiently bandaging them. He was focusing on fixing them, rather than the way his heart clenched at the sight. 

“So,” he broke the silence, “are you going to tell me why the hell I just pulled you out of a street fighting ring? Or do I need to guess?”

Eddie refused to meet his eyes. “It’s none of your business,” he gritted out through clenched teeth. 

The bandages were pulled tightly enough to rip a whine from Eddie’s throat, which Buck barely acknowledged. “Me having to go there makes it my business.” He dropped Eddie’s hands, moving to clean his face with a wet rag, delicately placing a hand on his face to keep his head turned. 

Eddie shoved Buck back suddenly and leapt to his feet snarling in Buck’s face. “I didn’t ask you to come. You shouldn’t have. I didn’t want you there.” 

Buck just raised an eyebrow at him, unfazed by his sudden anger. He’d expected Eddie to be angry for this conversation. “No you didn’t, but Christopher deserves his only parent at home— alive and not beat half to death.”

Eddie took a menacing step toward Buck, eyes darkening with rage. “Don’t you dare talk about my son. You’re the one who abandoned him. Not me.” He swung his fist toward Buck, who dodged it easily. Then grabbed Eddie’s wrist lightly— so as not to hurt him— before twisting his whole arm behind his back and pinning Eddie to the island face down. He leaned over Eddie’s body with his own, hoping the pressure would help calm him more. Eddie struggled hard against him, trying to free himself, forcing Buck to tighten his grip like a vice around Eddie’s wrist.

“Calm down, Eddie. I’m not going to fight you. Take a deep breath and I’ll let you go,” he whispered softly in Eddie’s ear. Eddie went rigid against him but took a deep shuddering breath. Buck released him, taking a few steps back to put some space between them. 

“Eddie, this isn’t you.” Buck folded his arms across his chest, softening his voice slightly. “Please, why are you so angry? Why are you fighting like this?” 

“You.” Eddie shoved Buck back hard into the wall, gripping his shoulders to pin him there. Buck could easily slip his grip, but he didn’t. If Eddie needed this, then he would allow it. 

“Me?” Buck murmured, searching his face for an answer. “I’ve made you so angry that you’d risk your life like this? I thought last week’s talk had helped...” He trailed off, closing his eyes, so he didn’t have to see the anger or hate in Eddie’s.

“Yes, you, Evan. Missing you. Dios, it makes me so fucking angry that I can’t even think.”

Buck couldn’t help the wide eyed wonder that filled his face. “You miss me?” he asked, voice small and barely above a whisper. 

Eddie sighed, but made no move to step back out of Buck’s space. Instead he closed the gap between them, slotting their lips together harshly and sliding his thigh between Buck’s legs. All of the anger and tension was pouring out into Buck. The rough press of their lips and the grind of Eddie’s body pulled a moan from Buck’s throat. Buck melted into Eddie’s touch, arching up into him as Eddie kissed down his jaw to suck and kiss on his throat. 

Kissing Eddie was everything he’d ever dreamed about, but it wasn’t the time for it. They needed to finish this conversation, and he couldn’t let Eddie distract him— not even with kissing— no matter how much he wanted it. 

He shoved Eddie back, panting slightly. “No.” Eddie’s face dropped slightly before his eyes hardened again, but before Eddie could get angry again or lash out, Buck quickly added, “No. You are not doing that as a distraction or because you’re angry with me. We are going to talk about you fucking street fighting with a child at home!”

Eddie watched him, through lidded eyes. “Are you sure talking is all you want to do?” Buck shivered slightly, when Eddie’s eyes raked over him. 

“What I may or may not want doesn’t matter. We are talking about this. You can’t just seduce me to get out of it.”

“Everyone says you’re such a good man. Don’t you want to be a good boy for me?” He took a step closer to Buck, who backed up into the sink. 

“I’m not good, Eds. You know that. Now, why don’t you,” Buck reached behind him and grabbed the faucet, spraying Eddie in the face, “just cool off.”

Eddie just shrugged, water dripping down his face, smirking at Buck as he took his place on his abandoned stool. Some of the tension in his shoulders and face had released, leaving behind only lust. He eyed Buck hungrily, which Buck promptly ignored, willing himself not to blush at the attention. 

Buck took a deep breath, forcing himself to focus on the problem rather than the tingling heat left behind by Eddie’s lips. He really didn’t want to fight with Eddie, so he hoped they could at the very least have a civil conversation. “Street fighting, Eddie? One wrong hit and your kid is an orphan.”

Buck stared at him waiting for an answer, but Eddie just glared down at his hands refusing to meet Buck’s eyes. “That wouldn’t happen. I was fine.” There was less heat in his words, but the stubborn set to his jaw proved he wasn’t going to relent. 

Buck slammed his hand down on the island, startling Eddie into looking at him. “You. Don’t. Know. That.” The anger seeped into his voice as he gritted out each word. “All it takes is one wrong hit, Eddie. One.” His mind flashed with Eddie taking the same hit that he did all those years ago— going down hard and not getting back up.

“Buck. It’s fine, I’m fine. I’m not going to get hurt. But I need it— I need to keep fighting. It’s the only thing that helps me.” Eddie’s tone was almost soothing, like Buck was the one with an anger problem that needed to be controlled. And it only pissed Buck off more. He didn’t have anger problems— not anymore. 

“You don’t know that,” Buck narrowed his eyes at Eddie, taking a harsh breath. “I thought it was helping me, too. Controlling my anger down to the fifteen or so minutes I was in the ring, but I nearly died from one bad hit, and I fought in both amateur and professional fights. You’re a soldier and a firefighter, Eddie, a father. Not a fighter. Not like this.”

Eddie stared in shock, mouth opening and closing as though he couldn’t find the right words. “Wh— what?” He managed to splutter out. 

Buck stared at him blankly, waiting for the next round of anger to come, but it never did. “You were a professional fighter? Why did you never tell us?” Eddie asked accusingly. 

He shrugged, stepping back into Eddie’s space to place butterfly stitches along his eyebrow. “I don’t like talking about my past. None of the 118 really does. Who I was back then is completely different than who I am now. Buck didn’t exist then. It was just Evan, and he wasn’t a great person.”

Eddie lifted a hand to Buck’s face, but Buck flinched back out of his reach. “We need to talk about the lawsuit. I know you don’t want to— I don’t either— but Eddie, we will never go back to what we were if we don’t talk about this.”

Eddie scowled darkly, but said nothing. “You just don’t understand Eddie, but I need you to try. I’m not like you. I never had a family before the 118—”

“Mad—” Eddie tried to cut in, but Buck raised a hand to silence him. He needed to get this out, even though emotion swelled thick in his throat. 

“I love Maddie, Eddie. She’s my sister,” he blinked rapidly, trying to dispel the tears threatening to fall. “But she left when I was eight and barely looked back. I saw her a few times a year at mandatory family functions, and before she came here I hadn’t seen or spoken to her in three years.”

He sighed, scrubbing a hand down his face. “I don’t blame Maddie. We had a weird childhood, and she just wanted to be normal. We are closer now, closer than we’ve been since I was little. But Eddie you grew up with a family that loved you… truly loved you. You had— have parents that cared and siblings that were there. I never had that until the 118, and then I had it all taken from me.”

Eddie looked like he wanted to interrupt, but he held his tongue, so Buck just continued. “When Bobby said he was keeping me from coming back, from coming home, I felt like I was losing everything. Bobby is the closest thing I have ever had to a father, and he didn’t believe in me.” He paused, turning away slightly from Eddie so that he couldn’t see the new tears welling in his eyes. “I regret the lawsuit, especially since it kept me from my family, but I didn’t know what else to do. I couldn’t just sit here, Eddie. I couldn’t just let it all slip away. You guys were already replacing me—”

“We would never replace you,” Eddie snapped sharply. “Bosko is filling in. That’s all.”

Anger swelled in Buck’s chest for a moment, before he took a deep breath, pushing it back down. “Eddie, she’s using my locker, with her name taped over mine. You spot her in the gym now. And you talk to her about Chris, instead of me, and even went to watch street fighting with her,” he looked down bitterly at his hands. “Plus, she calls you Diaz, even though you said you’d never answer to it.”

Eddie laughed loudly, which made Buck glare at him. His feelings weren’t funny. None of this was funny.

“Buck, I told you that because I wanted you to call me Eddie. I wanted you to like me and call me by my name,” Eddie grabbed Buck’s hand gently, tugging him closer. “You didn’t like me much in the beginning, but I wanted you to.” 

Hope swelled in Buck’s chest, but he shoved it down, he couldn’t afford to get his hopes up. He needed his family back— his whole family, he couldn’t lose Eddie because of his feelings. A few kisses meant nothing in the grand scheme of things. Eddie was angry and wanted to fuck it out of his system— Buck had done that plenty of times himself. 

Buck cleared his throat, shifting away again. “I wanted you to like me, too. That’s why I was a dick back then. But Eddie, you have to see it from my side. She was doing everything I do. She had your back. . . when I should have.” He leaned against the island, burying his head in his hands. “God, I wish I had never filed that stupid pointless lawsuit. That lawyer just wanted a cut of the money. He even told me you guys would never want me, so I should just take it.”

“We will always want you. Always. But Evan, why wouldn’t you take it? That’s a lot of money. No one would have faulted you, not really. Money like that would change someone’s life.” Eddie’s voice was softer now, closer to the real Eddie. 

Buck laughed bitterly. “I don’t want my life to change, Eddie. I want things to be normal again. Which, thankfully, I’m being reinstated, in case Bobby didn’t get to tell you, since you were out in East LA instead of with us at the Rage Room.” Buck raised an eyebrow at him pointedly. “Besides, money is the last thing I need.” 

“You’re coming back?” Eddie’s voice was filled with disbelief, but Buck just shrugged. 

“They wanted to transfer me, but Bobby said no.” Buck kept his face carefully blank. “But if you’re still too angry to work with me, I understand. I’m sure Bobby would listen if you want me transferred.” 

“No.” Eddie spit sharply. “You tore us all apart to get this. You’re not transferring.” 

Buck flinched slightly at Eddie’s words, but didn’t disagree. He just busied himself putting away the first aid supplies. 

Eddie broke the thick silence after a few minutes. “I’ll get you the fifteen hundred in a few weeks. I have to shuffle some things around.” 

“No,” Buck shook his head, breathing out harshly. “I don’t want it, and I don’t need it, Eddie. Just forget about it.”

Eddie just stared at him bewildered. “Buck, fifteen hundred dollars is a lot of money. You used it to bail me out of a fight, and I’m paying you back.”

Buck slid his head down onto the table, banging his forehead lightly against the marble. He really didn’t want to have this conversation, but he knew Eddie wouldn’t let it go. “Eddie, look, man. I need to tell you something. Something I don’t talk about, that might make you hate me. Okay? But you need to listen,” he pleaded softly. Eddie eyed him suspiciously, but nodded anyway.

“I don’t need your money. I don’t need the lawsuit money. I don’t even need a paycheck.” He rushed out in one breath. But Eddie just furrowed his eyebrows cutely. 

He took a breath, slowing down slightly. “I have money, Eddie. A lot of money. I would have paid a hundred times what I paid tonight to get you out of there … Well I would have, but then I would have needed a bank. I only brought five thousand with me—”

“Five— Five thousand? Where did you get five thousand dollars at nine on a Friday night?” 

Buck just pointed across the space to the living room, where a large ornate safe was doubling as a side table— one that Eddie had never considered actually holding money and barely noticed at all.

“You just keep five thousand dollars in a safe in your apartment? This apartment doesn’t even have a deadbolt,” Eddie demanded incredulously.

“I keep twenty thousand in the safe for emergencies. Like an earthquake or another disaster. The ATMs and banks are always swamped, and with electricity out, a lot of places don’t take cards, so I keep cash on hand. That way the whole team could survive . . . at least for a little while. So my _family_ could survive.”

Eddie looked close to hyperventilating. “You keep twenty thousand dollars, in a safe in your living room. One that my kid could drop juice into and fry or God forbid there’s a fire.”

“If there is a fire, I’m taking Christopher and running. That money and the safe mean nothing to me,” he stared at Eddie, who seemed to be having an internal meltdown. “Eddie you are very focused on the safe. I have money— more than I could ever spend. Hell, if I didn’t know that you were too proud and stubborn to accept it, I would have just paid Christopher’s tuition to that school, when you were having trouble getting things settled in the beginning.”

Eddie blinked rapidly at him, looking a bit dazed. “You can afford to pay Christopher’s tuition? Like... all of it? For the whole year?”

Buck just laughed. “Eddie, I could pay his tuition until he is eighteen, and then his college tuition to Harvard if he wanted.”

“Harvard’s too far,” Eddie mumbled, eyes going blank as his mind continued to swim. “How?”

“The money? Mostly my dad’s parents. My grandmother was an oil Baroness and my grandfather invented gummy bears. But my mom’s family money was in wine. My grandmother Olivia, the oil one, left me and Maddie everything when she died. So, even though my father cut me off at eighteen for coming out as bisexual, I don’t really need any money. My grandchildren won’t need money— my great-grandchildren probably won’t, either.”

Eddie mouthed ‘Gummy Bears,’ but still seemed overwhelmed. 

“Let’s just forget about the money, okay?” Buck said softly. “I never mention the money, ever. It always changes things. I’m sorry if this changes things for you.”

When Eddie said nothing, Buck continued. “I just want you to understand. Fighting is dangerous, and I can _literally_ list every possible injury— up to and including the stage four concussion that almost killed me. But also, the lawsuit made you angry, and I’m so sorry about that Eddie, but I was hurt, and it was all I could think of to do to try and fix this. I didn’t want to go back to being alone and angry. But I’m sorry that you ended up feeling that way instead. I would have thrown it all away to keep you from feeling this way.”

“Why were you angry? You had everything. What did you have to be angry about?” Eddie spit out venomously, some of the past anger clear in his face, and Buck took a breath doing his best to let them not affect him. He hated that his feelings were so often invalidated because of money. Money didn’t mean he was happy, in fact most of the wealthiest people he had ever met were awful and terribly unhappy. 

“What do you want to know, Eddie? You’re right. I had everything a person could ever want and more money than I know what to do with,” he squeezed his eyes shut tight trying not to get too emotional. He really hated talking about his biological family. “Except my family. Don’t you get it? There were no family barbeques or birthday parties with just family or close friends, or even trick or treating. None of it existed in my life. Every second was carefully crafted so that we would look picture perfect. Every holiday or birthday was a time for hundreds of people that we barely knew to wear fancy clothes and come to our house. I was alone surrounded by people. The closest thing I had to a stable parent as a child was my nanny. I didn’t struggle, Eddie. Not like other people do, but damn it, that doesn’t mean it wasn’t hard. I don’t share my past for this exact reason. What do I have to be upset about? _Poor little rich boy_.” Buck sneered the last bit before shoving his stool back from the island and grabbed a beer, chugging half of it before setting the rest in front of Eddie, who drained it immediately. 

Eddie at least looked a bit remorseful. “I’m sorry okay? This is hard to process. You are super rich. Okay. Fine. I’m not leaving because of it, Buck. I’m sorry you felt like you couldn’t tell me.” 

Buck just nodded, slumping back into the chair. Staring silently at the ceiling.

“If you’re rich why do you rent a studio loft?” Eddie asked, bringing Buck back to reality. 

He couldn’t help but chuckle softly at the question. “I own it, Eddie. The Jeep, too. Even Maddie’s house, since that was back when she was afraid to touch her accounts with Doug out there somewhere.”

“Did Ali know? You went apartment hunting with her didn’t you?” 

Buck shook his head, eyes suddenly filled with sadness. “Abby knew— not the extent of it— but she knew some. She wanted to find herself, and I thought we were going to stay together. So I gave her my Amex and told her to have some fun on me. Before we officially broke up she ran up like thirty thousand on it. Which, with how much I have, isn’t much, but she still used it. She strung me along longer than necessary, then, when she reached the limit I had put on the card, she broke up with me.” 

Eddie looked furious again, and Buck was afraid of the backlash he would get now. “She used you!” he spit out, but Buck just shrugged. 

“Most people use me Eddie,” he sighed heavily. “Being Evan Buckley or Evan Oliver was hard. Everyone wanted something. Before Buck 1.0, where people just used me for sex, there was Evan Oliver, who people used for money and VIP status, even before the fighting and the UFC. But before that there was just Evan, who people tried to use as a punching bag, or tried to seduce for money. By sixteen, eight different teachers had tried to have sex with me, and at least a dozen girls had feigned being pregnant by me, even when I was still a virgin. I was getting drunk in clubs before I was out of highschool. But everyone just looked the other way or was paid off because Buckley’s don’t do scandal. I prefer to be Buck, 1.0 or 2.0, it doesn’t even matter. No one even likes Buck, not really. I’m too flirtatious or childish or just piss people off. You are my best friend, that’s why I didn’t tell you any of this. I’m just not that person anymore. I want to be better.” 

Buck rocked back on his stool, mind whirling with memories he hated to relive. He had many regrets over the years, all of which he buried deep and never talked about. He hated times like this, when he really couldn’t escape it all. 

“I’m sorry that happened, Evan. But, just so you know, I like you, whichever way you want to be. Evan, Buck, or something in between. I think you’re perfect the way you are. ” Eddie said softly, grabbing Buck’s hand gently, shocking Buck back to the present. “Thank you for coming tonight. I’m sorry it cost you money, but I am grateful. . . Why don’t you fight anymore?”

Buck cringed slightly at the memory, but didn’t pull away from Eddie. “I was young, probably too young and naive to be fighting in the UFC, but I was anyway. I won the lightweight championship belt the year before, completely a fluke believe me,” he chuckled lightly. “I couldn’t tell you how I did it. But a year later, I was defending my title, and in the first round I took a rough hit. I got kicked in the face so hard I saw stars. I just laid there staring at the ceiling, sure that I was going to die. I ended up passing out and they couldn’t wake me. One hospital visit later, I was diagnosed with a stage 4 concussion and ended my professional career before it really took off. The doctor said I was lucky I didn’t die. The paramedics that night saved me, and I wanted to do something meaningful like that. I was worried that without the fighting I would be angry all the time, but with the team— helping people— it gives me peace.”

Eddie sucked in a sharp breath, staring at Buck assessingly. “You’re right, I’m sorry. I can’t imagine this life without you, and that was almost a reality,” he squeezed Buck’s hand tightly. “I’m risking leaving my child an orphan, and I can’t do that. The job is risky enough. I need to figure something else out.”

Buck stared down at where their hands were still clasped, nodding. 

Eddie smiled for the first time all night. “Is there anything else we need to talk about?”

Buck shook his head, watching Eddie’s face carefully looking for any more anger. “No, I think I’m good. Unless there are more questions you want to ask?” 

Eddie smirked and tugged Buck toward him, causing him to fall out of his stool into Eddie’s lap. _“Can I seduce you now?”_ He purred in Buck’s ear, slipping his hands down to cup Buck’s ass.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My beautiful beta, bisexualbucks was a lifesaver, especially since this chapter is hella long and my sweet Jecari live edited this with me today like the pure angel she is.
> 
> So.... Comments give me fuel. 
> 
> Also, If it wasn't clear I write Buck's full name as Evan Oliver Buckley. Because why not?
> 
> Also, this could be the end. But I could add a smut chapter and an additional chapter after. What do you guys think?


	4. The Seduction of Evan Buckley

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Seduction of Evan Buckley.
> 
> So this is less smut and more making out and fade to black because damn guys, smut is hard.

Eddie smirked and tugged Buck toward him, causing him to fall out of his stool into Eddie’s lap. “Can I seduce you now?” He purred in Buck’s ear, slipping his hands down to cup Buck’s ass. 

Eddie bit and sucked his way down the exposed skin of Buck’s neck as Buck bared it submissively, but it wasn’t enough— there was not enough of him. He needed more, so he slipped his fingers under the hem of Buck’s sweatshirt, skimming hard muscle before tugging harshly at the material and throwing it far from them. 

He never thought he would get the chance to touch Buck like this, and even though anger still simmered in his chest, he pushed it aside to focus on Buck— beautiful Buck. God, he had wanted to touch him— really touch him since his first day at the station. He had been so pretty when he was upset. 

He raked his nails lightly over Buck’s back before pulling one of Buck’s nipples between his teeth, biting almost too hard. 

Buck moaned softly, grinding down in his lap. “This doesn’t mean—”

Eddie kissed him firmly, pulling the words from Buck’s throat. He didn’t want to hear what this meant to Buck, Didn’t want to worry about what they would be in the morning. He just needed Buck now. 

He slid his hands down Buck’s back, back to his ass and dragged him impossibly closer before slipping them down his thighs and standing, lifting Buck into his arms easily— not caring that Buck’s impossibly long legs hung awkwardly or ever breaking their kiss, instead deepening it with a swipe of his tongue against Buck’s soft mouth. 

Buck just wrapped his hands around Eddie’s neck in response, scraping his nails into Eddie’s scalp, as he kissed back hard, soft lips searing into Eddie, leaving him almost breathless. 

Eddie managed to carry Buck to the bottom of the stairs before pressing him hard into the wall, grinding up into him with his aching cock and wrenching a needy moan from Buck. He took the opportunity to shed his shirt before latching his mouth to Buck’s collar bone, sucking deep bruises into his soft skin. 

“Wait—” Buck panted out. Eddie froze, pulling off of him quickly but not setting him down. 

“What’s wrong?” he murmured. “Do you want to stop?” He was scared for the answer, but wouldn’t settle for anything less than one hundred percent consent. He didn’t want to force Buck to do something he didn’t want. 

“Were you actually arrested?” Buck asked, blue eyes wide, leaning back against the wall looking absolutely debauched, but also genuinely curious.

“Buck,” Eddie sighed, rolling his eyes before nipping at Buck’s lip. “Sweetheart, please don’t ruin the mood. We can talk about it later.”

Buck hummed, before pressing his lips to Eddie’s jaw and unwinding his legs from Eddie’s waist. 

Eddie whined softly, but didn’t stop Buck from pulling away. He wouldn’t force himself on him— not ever. But damn did he want him. 

He stood rooted in that spot, as Buck kicked off his shoes and padded up the stairs slowly, his ass swaying slightly more than necessary. Eddie leaned heavily against the wall, eyes not leaving Buck until he was out of view. He stared awkwardly around the loft, unsure of whether or not he should gather up his shirt and leave. Was Buck done? Maybe it had been too much. 

His eyes snapped to the balcony when Buck’s voice rang out. 

He was draped over the railing, a sexy smirk etched on his lips and his naked torso on display. “I thought you were going to seduce me, big guy?”

Eddie didn’t need to be told twice. He kicked off his shoes and bolted up the stairs earning a delighted laugh from Buck. By the time he made it to the top, Buck was stretched out on the sheets in just a pair of tight, red boxer briefs. The color was a stark contrast against his lightly tanned skin. 

Eddie couldn’t help but lick his lips, barely suppressing a soft moan at the sight. 

“Are you going to join me? Or should I start without you?” Buck teased, fingers trailing down his chest until they dipped just barely below the red waistband. 

Eddie tracked his movements, barely breathing for a moment, until his brain finally came back online. He quickly shoved out of his sweats before kneeling between Buck’s spread legs. 

He ran his hands along Buck’s legs and leaned down, pressing a soft kiss to the inside of Buck’s thigh. He ran his slightly stubbled cheek against the skin, then lifted his head to meet Buck’s eyes.

The breathy gasp Buck made urged him on, so he continued to kiss and touch up Buck’s body, sucking love bites into his flesh, marking him as Eddie’s, even if Buck might not want him in the morning. He prayed he would, but if not, then at least Buck would remember— have a reminder, even just for a little while.

Eddie made sure to take his time, relishing in the sweet sounds that made their way past Buck’s pretty lips. The longer he took to reach Buck’s mouth, the more he squirmed against Eddie, until he was whimpering and practically begging to be kissed deeply or for anything more than the soft press of lips and stumble to his skin.

“Eddie, please.” Buck’s pupils were blown with lust. “Kiss me for real or fuck me, but damn it, please stop teasing.”

Eddie smiled, sliding the rest of the way up Buck’s body, grinding down slowly as we went and groaning at the feeling. 

He pressed a light kiss to Buck’s mouth, before straddling him.

“What do you want Buck?” He murmured softly, nipping Buck’s ear when he shivered. 

“I want you inside me,” Buck panted, smirking at the heated look Eddie sent him.

Eddie searched Buck’s face for any sign they should stop. “You really want me? Are you sure?”

Buck smiled softly, that sweet smile that Eddie loved before running his hand over Eddie’s cheek. “I have never wanted anything or anyone more than I want you.”

The admission rang in his ears as he pressed himself into Buck’s mouth once again, groaning into the kiss. He was prepared to give Buck everything he wanted— forever. 

\---------------

Much later, they laid sated, wrapped in each other’s arms with Buck tracing his fingers lightly across Eddie’s skin as the man lazily nipped new love bites into Buck’s collarbone. 

“I am going to be a giant bruise, Eddie.” Buck chuckled softly but made no move to stop him. 

Eddie just hummed and continued across Buck’s body like a necklace— the possessive part of him happy that Buck would bear his marks on so much of his body. 

Buck paused his fingers over Eddie’s skin after a few minutes, causing him to stop his abuse of Buck’s chest to meet his eyes. “Will you tell me why you were in jail now?”

Eddie winced, pulling back slightly but not leaving the warmth of Buck’s arms. 

“You don’t have to, Eddie.” His blue eyes were wide and honest. “I’m not forcing you. I just want to know.”

Eddie sighed. “I dropped Chris off at a birthday party and some guy… basically accused me of lying about Christopher’s disability for the parking space. He was being a dick about a surgery he had from years ago— essentially insulting Chris. So, I punched him… a lot.”

Buck was silent for the longest minute of Eddie’s life before he laughed, his soft laughter echoing around Eddie. “Yeah, I might have punched him too.”

They stayed wrapped around each other, talking softly for a while before Buck finally drifted off. Eddie watched his sleep slack face for a long time before sleep came. But for the first time in months, he didn’t feel angry.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello, lovelies. So sorry for the wait, this chapter gave me trouble and so did my motivation. Thank you to the ever wonderful bisexualbucks for Beta reading. 
> 
> Okay... what did you think??? 
> 
> There will be at least one more part.


	5. We Left Each Other, But Baby Why?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Final Part
> 
> Sorry for the delay, but depression is a bitch. Please enjoy.

Buck woke up happy, but it only lasted a few seconds until he opened his eyes. The warmth and excitement he had for the day drained out of him when he saw the empty space beside him in bed. He reached out, running his hand over the sheets where he was sure that Eddie had fallen asleep with him— they were cold.

He sat up straight, looking out into the kitchen, searching for Eddie —praying he was just making breakfast or working out or just there— somewhere. But the apartment was dark and silent.

He collapsed back into the bed and closed his eyes, breathing deeply, trying to control the tears welling in his eyes. 

He knew it wasn’t a dream. He could smell Eddie’s cologne on his pillow and his ass ached in all the good ways, but even more so because he was sure that if he looked in a mirror that his skin would be covered in bruising hickeys from his neck to his thighs. 

Part of him couldn’t help but wish that it had all just been a dream. A sweet dream where the man he loved might actually want him. Even though he knew that Eddie might be using him as a way to work through his anger, waking up alone made his heart hurt. He had never truly woken up the morning after sex hoping that he would get to see the person— see them smile at him, and wanting to stare at their ruppled hair and sleep mussed face; wanting to kiss them sweetly with no need for more sex. Never had he wanted more than to just be there with them— not even with Abby when he thought he loved her. 

He wrapped himself up in the blankets and just let the tears fall, grateful that he didn’t have to start work for a few days and hoped that when he woke again there would be a text or call from Eddie. 

\------------

After two days of wallowing in his bed, Buck had to get up. He had no choice. He needed to shower off the several day old stench of sex and Eddie and go to work for the first time in nearly a year. 

But even though he should be ecstatic about being back at the 118, he was anxious. Eddie hadn’t messaged him, so he figured that he definitely regretted it, and now Buck was going to have to see him nearly every day. There would be no avoiding him and Buck was afraid to see how Eddie would act— afraid that Eddie would ignore him or be angry again. 

Buck leaned against the wall in the shower trying to decide how to handle the situation. But the only thing he could think of was to treat it like any other one night stand and just not make a big deal out of it and try to move on. 

\-----------------------

He walked into the station nervously, bag hiked over his shoulder, but after a few people welcomed him back kindly he was grateful to see that the other firefighters weren’t holding the lawsuit against him. 

He gaped at the banner hanging over the loft, definitely not expecting a warm welcome like Chim had gotten in the past, but there it was— a welcome back banner with _Buckley_: 3 _Disaster_: 0 written underneath. 

Chimney and Hen were the first to greet him with a giant hug. “Buckaroooo!” 

He allowed them to drag him upstairs, where he was even more surprised to see Cap cooking breakfast, well that wasn’t exactly surprising, but it was surprising that he was apparently invited. 

“Have some breakfast, Buck.” Bobby said, with a small smile. “Then scrub down the engines.” He ordered, before turning back to the stove. 

Buck couldn’t help but smile softly down at his plate. “Okay, Captain.” 

The only problem with scrubbing down the engines was that you were bound to get wet, especially if you were doing them alone, which he was. So, by the time he was done, he was damp and in desperate need of a dry shirt. 

Thankfully the locker room was empty when he entered, so he quickly shed the offending t-shirt and dug in his bag for his button-up uniform shirt. 

But unfortunately for him, before he could cover himself to hide the still fading bites,a wolf whistle sounded loudly through the room. 

“Damn Buckaroo, look at you.” Hen laughed, sitting with Chimney on the bench behind him.

But before he could respond sarcastically and move on, the voice he had been dreading hearing rang out. “You look like you got mauled.” Eddie smirked, leaning against his locker, eyes roaming Buck’s skin. But Buck refused to meet his gaze. 

“Well, I guess I tasted good at that moment.” Buck shrugged raising an eyebrow at him before buttoning up his shirt hastily trying to avoid more questions, especially because Hen looked poised to ask another, but anytime you prayed for the bell to ring it never did. 

“So, Buck who’s the lucky lady?” Chim winked over exaggeratedly, before snickering. “Someone definitely wanted to claim you and if it’s not just one it might be hard to get laid looking like that.”

Buck rubbed his neck shyly. “It was a guy actually,” he murmured, refusing to meet anyone’s eyes, especially Eddie’s, and pointedly ignoring everything else he said.

Chim’s mouth dropped open and Eddie’s eyes were boring into him, but Hen just snatched him into a firm hug. “Thank you for telling us, Evan,” she whispered softly against his ear. “For trusting us. I’m here for you— no matter what.” 

The bell rang right then, before Eddie or Chim could respond. Buck couldn’t help but be a bit thankful.

\---------------------------------

Buck stayed behind on the call to clean up and do inventory, which was part of Bobby’s conditions on him coming back right away, but Buck was actually glad for the mindless tasks and for not having to be in the field, watching Eddie’s back while worried that he wouldn’t be there for Buck in return. They needed to talk about what happened, but at the moment there was nothing Buck wanted to do less than have that conversation. 

He was deep in thought organizing when someone cleared their throat right behind him. 

Buck startled slightly, bolting up to greet the handsome man standing almost immediately behind him. “Hi there, I’m Buck.” He said smiling and holding out his hand.

The stranger grinned and took his hand. “I’m Liam Fraiser. I work for the city. I heard from Captain Nash that it was your first day back, and I wanted to come and make sure that you were settling back into work and that everything was going okay.” 

Buck couldn’t help but frown slightly at the mention of working for the city because this man could likely be one of the many who tried to keep him from coming back to the 118, but Liam cut the thought off before it could even continue.

“I know having one of the people who you’ve been fighting against coming down here probably seems a little passive aggressive, but I have actually been one of the people attached to your file from the beginning, and I admire your strength and perseverance.” He winked, and Buck couldn’t help the soft flush creeping up his cheeks. “So, there is no ulterior motive here. I just wanted to meet you and make sure that your transition back onto the job after being off for so many months goes okay.”

The engine pulling back into the station pulled some of Buck’s attention away, but Liam didn’t seem to mind. 

They chatted for a few more minutes before he slipped his business card in the front pocket of Buck’s shirt and walked away with a flirty smile. 

Buck ignored the way Eddie was glaring at him to help the team unpack the truck. 

\----------------------

Eddie was angry. 

He had been floating on a high since his night with Buck and was excited for him to be back. He hadn’t been able to speak to him for several days and sure it was a little awkward since they still needed to be professional at work. But seeing those marks on Buck’s skin had sent a possessive flare through his body and made him want everyone to know that he had put them there. He wanted to correct Buck as soon as he said “a guy” marked him, but he held back because the alarm was ringing and Buck coming out to the team was important— more important than him claiming Buck.

But coming back to the station and finding Buck flirting with a handsome stranger made his blood boil. He couldn’t take his eyes off them as he unloaded his gear— watching every flush of Buck’s cheeks and flirty smile with rapt attention. The high collar of Buck’s button down covered every claiming mark that Eddie had laid on him— every sign that would have been sure to send the man in the opposite direction. But even without them on display Buck wasn’t trying to deter the man’s grazing touch down his arm or appreciating looks.

Eddie grit his teeth to bite back a growl as the man tucked a business card in Buck’s pocket, before winking and walking away. Eddie couldn’t help but glare at Buck’s smiling form as he all but bounced by to help finish unloading the truck. Buck was supposed to be back, but they had spent the night together just two days ago— hadn’t that _meant_ anything to him? 

A hand covering his suddenly jolted him out of his head. He looked up to see Bobby gently loosening his white knuckles. 

“Why don’t you two go clear the air?” Bobby suggested. “Things have been a little tense this morning. We’ll handle the rest and get lunch started.” He eyed Buck with an almost soft look. “But no fighting. If it gets physical, we keep it to the gym, understand?” 

Eddie nodded without a word, dropping what he was doing and crossing the space between him and Buck in two strides. He grabbed Buck by the forearm and practically dragged him from the main areas back into the luckily empty bunk room, not even acknowledging Buck’s protesting squawk. 

“What the hell, man?” Buck hissed wrenching his arm from Eddie’s vice like grip. 

Buck glared at Eddie, just leaning against the wall while he paced angrily. He really wasn’t in the mood to be yelled at again, especially not after being ghosted for two days. Bobby had let him come back and so had the city, so if Eddie was pissed about it, then he could take it up with someone else. 

But Buck didn’t want to lose Eddie, so he waited for the inevitable onslaught of harsh words about how he was an awful person, or maybe even all the new things he was doing wrong from the year he had been off the job.

But instead, Eddie pressed close to him. Practically sucking the air from the space around him. “Do I need to remind you who you belong to?” He growled against Buck’s ear.

Buck couldn’t suppress the shiver that ran down his spine, but he shoved Eddie away from him. “I’m not a possession,” Buck all but snarls at him. “And even if I was, you made it clear that I wasn’t yours.” 

Eddie slipped a finger in Buck’s collar easily unhooking the button exposing his throat. “What about _this_ says you aren’t mine?” Eddie purred dangerously. 

“Hickeys mean _nothing._ I’ve had more that I can even remember.”

He pushed away from the wall, forcing Eddie out of his space. “Waking up alone though— that proves that I mean nothing. Just leave it Eddie. My ass will be red for a week. Just stop trying to seduce me like I matter to you like that.”

“But–”

Buck raised his hand cutting him off. “It’s okay. It didn’t mean anything to you. I know.You don’t need to rub my feelings in my face. I’m not going to beg you to love me back.” He smiled brightly, but it didn’t reach his eyes. “ Just relax and everything will go back to normal— best friend Buck, but please don’t do this. Don’t act like you want me.”

Eddie frowned, and made an aborted motion to reach out for Buck. “But I do want you.”

“Yeah? Until tomorrow morning?” Buck snapped, before smiling easily and shrugging. “Just pretend I was Buck 1.0. He was a one and done kind of guy.”

“We went a lot more than once.” Eddie managed to sputter.

“You know what I mean Eddie. I’m giving you an out, man. Just take it.” 

He pushed his way out of the locker room, leaving Eddie staring after him.

\---------------------------

Want was still simmering under Eddie’s skin, but anger and hurt had tempered it. Why wouldn’t Buck just stay with him? Why wouldn’t he let him explain why he was gone in the morning? Why did he want to forget it all? How did he expect it to be so easy, when every memory was seared into Eddie’s bones?

He sank down to his knees heavily. He was so tired of being angry. Anger was the worst thing that had ever happened to him, and besides Christopher, Buck was the best, but he was going to lose him. All because he was an angry jealous asshole instead of telling Buck how he truly felt. 

Eddie took a few more breaths before standing. He couldn’t let this happen. He needed to at least try to tell Buck how he felt. He couldn’t lose him without trying. 

He ducked back into the garage, but there was no sign of Buck. Hen luckily took pity on him from her perch on the upper level and pointed toward the parking lot, so he just waved and took off running.

When he found him, Buck was perched on his bumper and not leaving the station, but Eddie didn’t care and he crossed the space before Buck had a chance to run away again. 

Eddie stood in front of Buck, who refused to look at him— he was adamantly staring at their shoes. He sighed and gently gripped Buck’s chin, tilting it so their eyes met. Buck’s eyes were red rimmed and glassy, but he didn’t speak. 

“I don’t want an out, dumbass.” Eddie murmured. “You keep leaving. I don’t want you to leave me.”

“You left me,” Buck whispered, eyes bigger and face younger than Eddie had ever seen it.

“Ay cariño,” Eddie muttered. “Only because I had to. ” He rubs his thumb across Buck’s jaw soothingly. “Christopher needed me at home early that morning. But I also needed a few days to get my act together. I went and talked to Bobby, and I agreed to see a therapist.”

Buck gaped at him slightly but didn’t speak, so he continued. “I’m sorry I was angry today, Buck. You were right. I don’t own you and my anger was uncalled for. But I am working on it, I promise. I just want you to stay— no more no-contact orders, no more near death accidents, and no more fighting. Because no matter how irrational it is, missing you makes me angry. Just be with me, please?”

“For how long though Eddie?”

“Forever?”

“Forever.” Buck grinned, before leaning up and slotting his lips against Eddie’s softly.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much to bisexualbucks for taking time out of her life to be a absolute wonderful human and beta my mess. 
> 
> Thank you to Jecari for listening to me complain and supporting me as I finished this. 
> 
> I couldn't do this without you both. 
> 
> Please let me know what you think <3 <3


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